Love is Blind - Law is Strategy

Dating requires a certain level of naivety. Initially, you rely on a person’s self-portrayal to decide if you are compatible. As you spend more time together, excitement builds and emotions rage. The prospect that you’ve met “the one” keeps you pursuing the unknown. 

Time must pass to see for yourself if those characteristics are accurate. A friend once told me you need to see a person through all four seasons to know if he or she is right for you. But after a year, it’s easy to feel like quitting would mean all that effort would be wasted. After all, your lives are already intertwined and you’re so in love, even if he or she isn’t exactly what you thought. People change and grow, right? So, you set aside logic and rely on hope and faith. The next natural step is to get married. Perhaps you choose to start a family. 

As your commitment grows you come to realize that one full trip around the sun only gives you a small glimpse into your partner’s true self. It takes years of ups and downs to truly get to know each other. You realize you’ve forged through this relationship with blind expectation. 

Over time, cracks in the pavement may begin to show. One person’s efforts to keep the relationship alive may outweigh the other’s. One person’s financial or social habits may create household issues. Communication may break down and arguments may turn into abuse. One or both parties may come to realize they can no longer “make it work.” And just like when it first began, as it ends the emotions are heightened. Logic and reason go out the window and are replaced once again with the unknown. Instead of being blinded by hope, the parties may be blinded by rage. 

Lawyers, like me, are acutely aware of the pain that divorces causes. So, when a potential client enters your office you have the choice of acting as their eyes or playing into their feelings. Plenty of attorneys will let you vent time and again, while billing you for every minute of communication that does not get you remotely closer to the finish line. This type of behavior is predatory. Surely, most people have friends or family members who can listen to them for free. If not, those issues are more appropriately discussed with a therapist or counselor. 

The right attorney will act logically on your behalf, especially when it seems nearly impossible for you to do it on your own. Of course it’s nice to work with an attorney that is sensitive to your situation. But, the legal system lacks the resources to focus on or even listen to the emotional aspects of a failing relationship. While a client may feel blinded by emotions, it’s up to the attorney to get to the core of the issues. Failure to focus on the legal aspects of the split means allowing clients to spend time and money fighting about things that will not change the outcome of the divorce matter. Find an attorney who will help you navigate the divorce process, rather than allowing your emotions and desires to navigate the attorney. The appropriate place to heal your heart is outside of the legal system.