Tips for Keeping Your Divorce Amicable

Maintaining an amicable divorce does not necessarily mean that you and your spouse are on the best terms. It simply means that you agree to negotiate the divorce process in a civil manner. Generally, amicable divorces are navigated outside of the court system and negotiated through attorneys. It is anticipated that the parties will either subscribe to the standards forth by the Court or are willing to meet somewhere in the middle. Maintaining an amicable divorce may save you time, money and stress. If you are interested in engaging in an amicable divorce, follow these steps: 

1. Seek Legal Advice Before You Begin Negotiations.
   Oftentimes, couples discuss terms of settlement before ever inquiring about their legal rights. Eventually, one or both of the parties speak to a lawyer and learn that their entitlements and/or obligations are much different than what was initially discussed. This inevitably leads to someone changing their mind and the other party feeling betrayed. Make sure that you are fully aware of your legal rights before discussing what you will accept to avoid anger and resentment arising from someone going back on their word. 

2. Hire the Right Lawyer.
   Avoid hiring an attorney who wants to battle, even where there is no reason or desire to do so. It is not uncommon for a party to hire the “wrong” lawyer, who can lead them down a litigation path knowing that it is not necessary or appropriate. If you do choose to hire an attorney, make sure that he or she understands and respects your desire to navigate the divorce process amicably.

3. Invest in a Therapist.
   Attorneys inform you of your rights and help you navigate the legal system, but there are many emotional aspects of a divorce that also require a lending ear and proper advice. Be weary of accepting advice from those you are close with while going through a divorce. Oftentimes, they are too close to the situation to be objective. They may also advise you in ways that are inconsistent with the law, even though they may believe they are speaking in your best interest. This can cloud your judgment. Speak to a therapist or counselor, who can objectively help you manage your thoughts and feelings. 

4. Do Not Make Decisions to Punish Your Ex.
   While you may be justifiably angry at your spouse, the divorce process does not exist as a form of punishment. It exists to help you separate your assets and debts, effectuate support, if appropriate and work through co-parenting your children, if any. Trying to use the system as a form of punishment will only lead you to spend more time and more than necessary and perpetuate more animosity. Make decisions based on what is fair and appropriate under the law. 

5. Don’t Expect it to Be Easy.
   Just because you are trying to be amicable does not mean the process will be easy. Even an amicable divorce requires lots of communication and negotiations. Be patient and rational, knowing that you will reach a conclusion and ultimately put the matter behind you. 

If you have questions about how to navigate your amicable divorce, please feel free to contact our office by phone at (718) 689-2900 or email at danielle@montaltobly.com