Worst Foot Forward

Someone once told me “In criminal cases you see the ‘worst’ type of people on their best behavior. In matrimonial cases you see the ‘best’ type of people on their worst behavior. After a number of years in the field I’ve found this to be very accurate.

It’s fair to say that breakups don’t often bring out the best in people. The fact that life will inevitably change in unexpected ways causes people to lash out, shut down or experience severe anxiety and/or depression. And understandably so. Now throw attorneys, judges and experts in the mix asking for time, money and tons and tons of documents; you can find yourself crazed and your emotions misdirected.

Some people mourn this by going out a lot, abusing drugs, drinking too much and getting involved with the wrong type of people. Some people fall into depression and cannot face their issues. Others jump right back into a serious relationship. Aside from possibly being unhealthy, bad decisions can be fatal to your case. For instance, if you have issues of custody or visitation you mental health and stability are at issue. Sometimes it just heightens animosity between the parties, which delays settlement and makes things even more miserable.  

You’ll notice that everyone becomes an expert too, offering advice about what their sister’s, friend’s uncle did with their divorce in 1993. As an open book I understand the urge to talk it over with your friends, family or basically anyone who will listen. Resist the urge. You WILL end up with bad advice. Make sure you hire an attorney who knows what they’re doing. I find that clients respond well when I speak directly and truthfully. It’s also important to show my clients that I am in control of the situation, regardless of the outcome. A good attorney will not only manage your case, but also provide insight into how you conduct yourself, which is a HUGE part of a divorce.

I do my best to help my clients judge right from wrong to improve their case, but if I find that someone is not able to fully grasp the importance of their behavior or is not coping well I recommend that they seek professional advice. Speaking to a therapist or counselor about the loss of a relationship is not dramatic. It’s healthy and important to help with self-reflection so that you don’t repeat the mistakes you may have made in the past. A healthy version of you will make for the smoothest transition into a new lifestyle.